stages of spiritual development
Based on Erik and Joan Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development, I’ve compared the life cycle of someone in a high-demand religious group and the possible effects, both positive and negative, to the core conflicts in Erikson’s stages. This is merely a framework that needs more in depth research into what may or may not support these comparisons with citations. This perspective is also heavily influenced by my personal experience in a fundamentalist christian evangelical high-demand group.
1. Trust vs. Mistrust (Birth-1 year)
Typically an infant needs to know that their needs are being met. Crying results in food, comfort, sleep, touch, etc. Infants are viewed as pure and innocent but not in a religious or moral framework per se - they are not “blank slates,” but rather inherently sinful beings. They are innocent in the sense of naivety, in need of early direction and intervention to save themselves from their innate selves. Does this impact how caretakers respond to an infant's needs? Is it wrong to need? Is there punishment for crying too much, needing too much, etc? Viewing an infant through the framework of so-called child psychologists such as James Dobson can lead parents to misconstrue normal infant behaviors for intentionally evil, rebellious, or deceptive ones. An infant’s crying indicates a lack of self-control under this framework. Crying without an apparent or readily obvious reason could indicate to parents a tendency to deceive, to be obstinate/strong-willed, or to give evidence of a power struggle between the child and parents that starts so early on, the child has not even fully developed their self-aware, human consciousness as we know it to exist.
Too severe of attempts at “correcting” these undesirable behaviors (undesirable because of the misattributed, unsupported intentions behind them) can lead to neglect and even abuse, with parents taking advice to allow babies to “cry it out,” “self-soothe,” and withhold physical comfort in a way that damages the development of a trusting relationship. Attachment issues can quickly begin to form as a result of this. Parents with high levels of evangelical indoctrination and strict, fundamentalist beliefs can experience a fear of loving their child “too much,” risking idolizing their new baby or putting her on a pedestal of sorts, which could lead to emotions that the parents deem sinful. This can restrict a parent’s ability to positively bond with their child because “the lord gives and the lord takes away,” so while children are seen as “gifts from above,” they are also at risk of being punished by god through the removal or loss of that child if he should deem that necessary.
2. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (1-3 years)
Toddlers! So much exploration. Can I do this on my own? Will I be punished for learning about the world around me? In evangelical circles, this is typically when the concept of sin is introduced to children, leading to displays of naughtiness, mischief, etc. being seen as bad and sinful. Toddlers don’t understand danger, so when scolded for walking near a hot stove they cry because it is scary and confusing to be scolded, not because they consciously chose to disobey a warning about the complexities of heating mechanisms. A toddler brought up in fear and shame is compliant, but scared. Obedience valued over independence stunts autonomous development and instills the shame complex (I am a sinner, I need correction/saving) from a young age. This lays the foundation for continued if not lifelong indoctrination and undermining of the individual’s sense of self confidence, positive self regard, self esteem, etc. A child can become timid and shy due to this authoritarian approach to rearing, rather than because their personality at this stage may naturally be quieter and in need of more reassurance to explore the world than some of their peers.
Confusion can ensue regarding experiencing anything new, because a child at this age cannot understand the complexities and rationale for what is appropriate behavior and what is not. They only know that if they make a mistake, they are punished. Negative reinforcement is considered a more effective disciplinary tactic than positive reinforcement in many religious circles, leading to an absence of the praise and encouragement imperative for forming healthy autonomy and self-direction. Attributing evil desires and wickedness to normal mishaps that occur in a toddler’s development stage creates a dangerous recipe for physical and emotional harm.
3. Initiative vs. Guilt (3-6 years)
Preschoolers continue exploring their world through hands-on interaction. More shaming occurs at this stage, and confusion between an action being bad and the individual being bad occurs. Deceptive behaviors present at this age, the way those are responded to by caretakers is crucial. Corporal punishment encouraged in religious circles. Timid, shy children are not seen as problem children, but the more precocious ones may be labeled “willful” “obstinate” or “rebellious” at this stage.
Preschoolers continue exploring their world through hands-on interaction. More shaming occurs at this stage, and confusion between an action being bad and the individual being bad occurs. Deceptive behaviors present at this age, the way those are responded to by caretakers is crucial. Corporal punishment is often encouraged in religious circles - spare the rod, spoil the child talk is common. Timid, shy children are not seen as problem children, but the more precocious ones may be labeled “willful” “obstinate” or “rebellious” at this stage. Children may be introduced to abstract, overarching concepts such as “god,” “sin,” and “heaven,” but this is before they develop the ability to think abstractly and entertain such concepts in a meaningful way.
A young child may explore their own initiative through touching things around them, asking lots of questions, and testing boundaries. Being shamed for asking too many questions, or sharply reprimanded for exploring through their sense of touch, can lead to the child internalizing a sense of guilt over being “bad”/”naughty.” A less tenacious child may stop asking so many questions and develop a sense of fearfulness over trying new things. A previously adventurous child may begin exhibiting shyness around adults, unwillingness to try new foods and activities, and even cry if directed by the parent to simply overcome their anxiousness immediately. A common statement made by these parents to the child is, “You’re not shy! You’ve never been shy. Why are you acting like this?” Separation anxiety when dropping the child off with school, daycare, relatives, etc. can easily manifest.
4. Industry vs. Inferiority (6-12 years)
School-aged children are introduced to concepts of hell, moral failures, omniscience, and the omnipresence of an authoritarian god figure. Major faith decisions often made at this age, and a desire to emulate the behaviors and actions of those around the child. This results in positive reinforcement from peers and adults, further solidifying faith participation as a way to stay on the positive side of a family, group, and community. Activities often include a profession of faith, baptism, children’s choir involvement, etc. A heightened interest in matters of belief is sparked, as concrete reasoning is surpassed and more abstract thought can occur. A sense of being involved in meaningful community activities supports industry and can bleed over from just the religious realm into the rest of the child’s life. Religious coping tools can translate into other areas of life - prayer, songs with encouraging lyrics, sharing troubles with a trusted friend or mentor, etc. often provide a meaningful sense of comfort and connection, as well as a way to self-soothe through stress, fear, and anxiety. Communal experiences are often very gratifying, and many adults report fond memories at this age of singing in worship services, participating in music, having a regular time of fellowship with others, and sharing meals together.
Nightmares of hell are common in this stage, as well as exposure to themes in biblical texts that are disturbing or not able to be understood by the child fully (rape, incest, murder, miracles, hell, sex, prostitution, torture, devil, violent deaths, war, genocide, famine, slavery, human sacrifice, etc.) Not participating in religious/church activities is mostly not an option at this age, however, a child prone to analyzing their own internal world may feel inferior to their peers and family members if they are not able to summon the same amount of spiritual fervor as those surrounding them. Feelings of being less-than, desperation to please a demanding god, anxiety over being constantly watched and their thoughts being overheard and monitored, and fears for friends outside the faith community going to hell or being lost can all coexist with the positive aspects of having a community identity. The negatives could eclipse the positives depending on the intensity of the child’s particular denomination and sermon content, undermining the safe and fun parts with a sense of dread and shame that are not as easily counteracted with the positive coping mechanisms available to them.
5. Identity vs. Role Confusion (12-19 years)
Teens experience puberty, test their sense of self, try on different personalities and styles, push boundaries, experience self-discovery, etc. in this stage. Purity culture is stressed at this age, shaping the teen’s ideas of sexuality and what “healthy” relationships and sexuality consists of and what it does not. Special attention is placed on the taboo of premarital sex, homosexual relationships are deemed sinful, and teens are encouraged to participate in events and teachings such as apologetics to help them defend their beliefs against attacks from outsiders and from other ideologies. A manipulative idea of “love” is presented at this stage which can lay a foundation for the teen to endure abusive treatment both now and in the future - love as condemnation, love as correction and judgment, and even ostracization justified by doing it out of love and concern for the individual’s soul or spiritual health. There is a social separation of spiritually “mature” peer leaders and “immature” or “lukewarm” kids seen as trouble-makers or projects by adults. A teen experiencing high levels of anxiety in other areas of life may exhibit religious or moral compulsions such as scrupulosity and other obsessive behaviors.
Immense pressure exists to really own one’s faith and make it their own, including the pressure to witness to non-believing peers. Social hierarchy dynamics play out in bible study and youth groups. Highly emotionally manipulative events usually occur for these ages like lock-ins (sleep deprivation), overnight retreats (peer bonding, emotional worship, “cry nights,” appeals to emotion in return for public re-dedication/renewed allegiance), mission trips (serving others, sense of greater purpose, exposure to other ways of life which serves to solidify their own as the “right way”), summer camps (more emotional manipulation, “mountain top experiences,” feelings of closeness to god, exhausting physical activities followed by nighttime spiritual activities). Religiously responsive teens must also grapple with the fearsome possibility of breaking a cardinal rule or offending god/blaspheming the spirit without even knowing it. Role confusion comes into play in the spiritual sphere when a teen can feel free to live and act how they choose at school and away from church friends/family, but then assume a different role at church events and at home. Indecision about personal beliefs present, and big questions about the fundamentals of their belief may arise and either go unanswered or be internalized.
6. Intimacy vs. Isolation (20-25 years)
Young adults in high-demand religious groups typically face immense pressure to get married and begin families as soon as possible. This is enforced socially and culturally, not always explicitly within the church setting, but parents and family members in private may explicitly ask a person or young couple about marriage and family planning with frequency. The pressure cooker of the spouse hunt is on. Churches cater to young unmarried adults through “singles ministries” and entire departments dedicated to mentoring and guiding young couples toward marriages that reflect biblical gender roles and standards. Relationships are defined through a heteronormative lens. More leadership positions are available to adults at this age, and this can provide a rewarding sense of connection to their faith community, as mentorship opportunities abound for individuals who stand out as mature, committed believers. Extroversion and charisma are traits that open doors to social relationships for some, but those who are naturally more introverted may face difficulty getting “plugged in” with a stable group.
If a young adult is single for too long, the community for them slowly disappears as others marry and no longer participate in singles-oriented activities, leaving very little social support or attention focused on those who are unmarried. Rarely are there dedicated groups or efforts to involve an unmarried individual aging out of the church dating pool. Adults in this stage tend to either move closer to or farther away from a very fervent church that matches their background. Some let off the gas a little and explore newfound adult freedom, while others buckle down and become involved with a group or church at a high level of commitment and activity. Young marriages at this stage are met with a lot of praise but many result in divorce. Sexual issues are common, especially for women who are now married but have little to no positive interaction with sexuality, and in some cases, even with their own bodies. Young marriages face issues with unsteady finances, sexual expectations and performance, having children very quickly while still establishing identities, and struggling to enact biblical gender roles in a modern world where that is mostly impractical - this causes confusion, dissonance, and clashing. Even a person in a married relationship may be lacking true intimacy and experiencing a form of isolation despite what their life may look like from the outside.
7. Generativity vs. Stagnation (26-64 years)
Adult parents now choose the level of family church involvement, attendance, and commitment that they have. Spiritual leadership and religious instruction is encouraged to occur within the home, though this is practiced differently across many families and denominations. Adults with young children often concentrate efforts on teaching them the parents’ faith tradition. This is often a choice point for many couples of divorcing finally or just staying together at this point due to children, time married, and other iterations of the sunk cost fallacy. Marital infidelity occurs most frequently at this stage. The involvement of church leadership in family issues may increase. Those who “stagnate” in faith may become apathetic to the activities of their youth and drift away from formal church attendance. Stereotypical midlife crises occur for some. For some, church-related activities are the only volunteer work they may participate in, which is a valuable outlet in feeling involved and contributing to their community and family.
An adult with a firm religious identity in this stage may operate in an outreach role in their church, such as deacon, pastor, Sunday school teacher, ministry leader, usher, greeter, or nursery/childcare volunteer. This can provide a meaningful sense of serving others and being helpful - generativity. On the other hand, an adult functioning in one or some of these roles while also experiencing doubts may feel additional pressure to suppress their questions and fear what others may think if they express them, since they are seen as a leader. They may assume an attitude of “going through the motions” because of familiarity and tradition keeping them in activities that otherwise do not fulfill them - stagnation. The cost of questioning one’s beliefs may not seem worth the judgment, social exclusion, and loss of community that may face if they decide they no longer believe - yet another way the sunk cost fallacy can keep people “stuck” during this stage of life. Church attendance is most likely to taper off or cease completely during this stage, but individuals who do not find a different avenue to connect with others may risk social withdrawal, lack of productivity, and not pursuing efforts to improve themselves.
8. Integrity vs. Despair (65-death)
For older adults with grown families, there can be much satisfaction gained from mentoring younger people through the church setting. This sense of giving back and maintaining a social connection is incredibly healthy for the elderly and aging. Even if a person is no longer as fervent a believer now as in their youth, they may continue to participate out of sheer habit and need for community. The familiarity and tradition is a great comfort to those who may begin experiencing physical ailments related to aging. As individuals retire from the workforce, church communities may provide the only social outlet they have. Highly religious persons are less likely to struggle with despairing of life at this stage. Integrity is also derived from church teachings which instruct parishioners to respect the elderly and care for them, paving the way for meaningful connections that endure until end of life. Adults at this stage will have either dealt with issues resulting from religious trauma or they will remain unresolved til death. Adults with insurmountable religious trauma will have left the church or belief system by this point and either despair without it or find integrity in other life areas and ways.
In this stage, a withdrawal from religious activities due to loss of belief or irreconcilable ideologies without finding an alternative purpose and meaning can lead to increased health and cognitive difficulties. Depression is common in this age range, and reflecting on one’s life can lead to feelings of bitterness or regret if one feels as though they wasted time or were misled. Integrity in one’s identity, regardless from where it is derived, provides a sense of peace and calm as one experiences the deterioration of mental faculties and failing physical health. This doesn’t mean that death is faced with absolutely no fear or uncertainty - that is common across cultures and beliefs. “Deathbed confessions/conversions,” while popular storytelling devices and evangelisitc tools, rarely occur according to research. It is actually common for those who may hallucinate close to death to “see” icons of religiosity that are familiar to them, such as Jesus, angels, a river, pearly gates, etc. This is due to the brain being primed for such visions as a result of lifelong teachings, exposure to artistic interpretations, and sheer familiarity. A person of another faith tradition could just as easily see elements from their own experience.